Archive for I don’t want to fight it anymore

Surrender

Posted in Prose with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on July 19, 2009 by 1writegirl

I eat to survive
Drink gallons of coffee
Smoke endless cigarettes

And move like prey pursued

Into the core of
Each excruciating night
I rant, rave, rebuke
Rage, swear and banish

Writing page after page
Torrents of emotion
Tearing them up as I go
Until at last in sheer exhaustion

I slip into fitful reprieve

And yet with each dawn
It is there, irrefutable
Staring me down
The first thing I see

With quiet persistence
Tenacious resolve
It tells me

You’ve finally
met your match

The attempts to kill it
Or scare it away
To prove that it’s foolish
And alone in existence

Meet with abject failure

For without my consent
Without sustenance
Even without hope

It lives

And I surrender
To its presence
Understanding

That it isn’t dependent on
What I do, want or write
Or even the actions of another

Somehow we must learn to co-exist
This intractable love and I

Because good or bad
Right or wrong
Misguided or misunderstood

It patently refuses
Exodus

The only shard of purity
within my otherwise tainted soul